The Best Thing About Being A Woman
by gypsy rosalie
Summary: Let no-one ever say Lilo Lil Whittaker is a woman who walks away from a challenge. Written for the Music to The Ears fanfiction competition.


**Written for the Music to the Ears fanfiction competition. Let it be known that this is NOT the fic I had intended to enter for this competition. I had been working on quite a long Aveline piece, but it really wasn't working the way I wanted it to, so with one day to go I decided to abandon it and listened to the song again and this one came to me. Kinda sucks, but it's just meant to be a little fun. And I've never done a Lilo-Lil-centric piece before, so that was quite enjoyable. May do a longer one about her at some point.**

**My song was Shania Twain's 'Man, I feel like a woman.' Hope you like, anyhow. Set before Billy is born. **

* * *

'Very nice place you got 'ere.'

Actually, Lil is lying- the house looks exactly the same as hers, seven doors down, as every single one on the street, but she wants this job badly, and she'll do anything to impress her potential new employer.

Nellie Boswell eyes her up and down, shooting pointed glances of disapproval at Lil's skirt, shorter than most women her age would wear, her mock-fur coat in a shade of eye-popping pink, her hair, unruly as ever but stuffed into a passable coiffeur, her chest. Her eyes come back to settle on Lil's chest again and again.

_We've all got 'em, stop starin'_, Lil wants to shout, but she can't, she won't, she's on her best behaviour. _We're both women- if you're envious of mine, 'cause you've 'ardly got any of your own, why don't you get yours sorted out?_

'I have four children in this house, and a fifth on the way,' Nellie says, rubbing her stomach, 'and I don't want you making a bad impression on any of them. Tomorrow I want to see you _appropriately_ attired before you start work.'

_Jesus, Mary an-_ Lil begins to think, but stops as the words register. _Before you start work_. Sounds like this uppity little woman is hiring her, despite reservations. And hallelujah for that. Lil has been looking for work for weeks, ever since those bastards at the DHSS decided she was too raunchy and insubordinate to continue her position there. Since when did it do any harm to give a couple of freebies to a few obliging fellas, she wonders? They'd given her something in return for the extra forms and money, after all. But some people just don't understand the way the world works. And for a moment, it had seemed like Nellie Boswell was going to be of the same mould. But no, she's actually offering her the cleaner's position, is holding out her hand, albeit staring very warily at her, and Lil takes it, heaving the woman's arm up and down so hard she almost knocks the both of them over.

'You'll start tomorrow morning at nine o'clock sharp,' Nellie tells her. 'You'll be here punctually, and you are not to bother my children when they come home from school, you'll…'

'Tomorrow at nine?' Lil cuts in, 'sod that, I'll start right now! Hand me that broom, will yer, and I'll be on me way!' Her over-enthusiasm and exuberance, she realises, have gotten her into a lot of trouble before, but it can't be helped now, and if she's going to clean this woman's house, and be paid for it, she's going to start earning right away. When Nellie doesn't move, frozen to the floor in shock, Lil snatches the broom herself and runs upstairs, not sure where she's going with it, seeing as the kitchen would be the best place to start sweeping, but too happy to care.

She ends up in one of the upstairs bedrooms, where, as she soon realises, the broom is a little unnecessary, and instead turns to folding sheets and making the beds. However many kids inhabit this bedroom- she counts four beds, but only three seem to have been slept in- they're little animals, the lot of them. The room looks like a bombsite. She'll work on tidying it in a minute.

Lil picks up a handful of coloured blocks from the floor, and, in her happiness, throws them in the air, watching the bright little pieces rain down to the ground. It just means more mess for her to clean in a minute, but she's happy- she's got a job, she's alive and young…well, young-ish…and free, and she's going to make the most of this moment. She prances around the room, kicking up her heels like a child, feeling her chest flop as she jump- but oh, who cares, she's not ashamed- and singing as she pulls the sheets off and flaps them in the air like flags before folding them.

'Oh, the golden gold of Ireland, nobody's ever seen, nobody's ever seen, nobody's ever seen…' her voice is altogether too loud for the quiet middle of the day, when most people are probably settling down for afternoon siestas, but oh well, let them hear her joy. She sings as she works, skips as she works, dances as she works, and laughs at the thought of Nellie Boswell sitting downstairs fuming at the ruckus she's making. Though, of course, the poor cow would secretly want to join in, Lil knows that. A stuffed-shirt she may be, but she's a woman just like any other, only she's trapped herself into a costume of propriety and 'decency', while Lil is content to be herself, and be free. And she knows, out of the two of them, who's happier.

'Oh, the golden gold of Ireland, nobody's ever seeeen….'

' 'Cause it's hidden by the emerald Ireland green!' a second voice joins in, and Lil starts, turning hastily to see a shambles of a man standing in the doorway. He looks like a Raggedy Andy grown old, moustache and hair sticking in all directions and baggy clothes hanging off him, as though he'd bought himself an outfit without bothering to check the sizes. But there's something about his ruddy face that Lil likes- perhaps it's the twinkle in his eye, but here, she reasons, is a man unashamed of himself, unafraid to let his true self show, however faulty that true self may seem.

'Well,' she says, affecting coyness and not sure she pulls it off. 'I wasn't expectin' company. You must be Mr. Boswell.'

'And you,' says the man cheerfully, 'must be Lilo Lil Whittaker.'

Lil's mouth curls for the minute at the nickname, but then she relaxes. She knows what people think of her, but she doesn't care. She'd rather be a Lilo Lil than a No-Fun Nellie, after all, and if that _is_ what people call her, she'll own it, _flaunt_ it, make it into an asset.

'I see you've heard of me,' she says.

'Oh, I have, but it's not the same as seein' someone in the flesh,' Mr. Boswell replies. 'The stories fall short, they do- seein' someone cleanin' up my kids' mess with a _smile_ on their face- not to mention someone who's such a little _cracker_- you're somethin' else, you are. Brightly-coloured as a rainbow, you are. Brightly-coloured as a rainbow.'

The man is a bit of an unconscionable lech, to be flirting with a woman he's known for mere seconds, with his wife just downstairs, but if anything, that attracts Lil to him even more. Bad lads have always been more fun, and this man has a look of the ruffian in him, that's for sure.

'Well, now,' she says, assuming a more meaningfully seductive tone of voice, 'I'm sure you're quite…brightly-coloured yerself.' She's not sure exactly if that came off right, being unfamiliar with this bloke's way of speaking, and especially unsure how to return his colour-compliment, but his red face lights up a little, and she knows she's already won him over, that nothing she does now will faze him. That in a short while of working here, she'll have made herself a conquest. Well, this _is _ turning out to be an eventful day, isn't it? First a bit of work, and now a bit of fun.

'Well,' Mr. Boswell says, stepping further into the room, 'aren't you gonna continue with your lit'le song?'

Ten minutes later they're waltzing around, belting out every showtune they've ever heard, whether they know the words or not.

'I'll tell ye somethin', Boswell,' she says, 'your wife may run a strict establishment, but at least _you_ know how to let loose an' have a good time!'

'You're too right!' he replies, twirling her around. 'My little Nellie, she doesn't half stuff the fun from things. Walks around with her knickers pulled right up to 'er neck!'

Lil laughs heartily, and he takes the opportunity to dip her deeply.

'Oh, and by the way,' he says, leaning down towards her neck, 'it's Freddie.'

'_Freddie_,' she purrs. 'Why, if I coulda picked out any name for ye…'

'WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOIN' WITH MY HUSBAND?!'

And just like that, their moment is shattered by the intrusion of the mistress of the house herself, her face as red as her husband's, though her colouring has clearly resulted from anger, her nostrils flared as if she has indeed got her knickers pulled right up to her neck.

Freddie drops Lil to the floor.

'Sweetheart! I was just…'

'Oh, will ye just _relax!' _Lil picks herself up. 'We were just passin' the time o' day, is there any crime in that?'

'YOU WILL LEAVE MY HOUSE AT ONCE!' Nellie shouts. 'GET AWAY FROM HIM, YOU…YOU…TART!'

'Tart,' Lil scoffs, 'I've been called worse than that in me time.' She steps past Nellie through the doorway, feeling the other woman's eyes on her. 'Well, it's been awfully nice meetin' ye all.'

'OUT!' Nellie shouts.

'All right, all right, I'm goin'!' She knows she might have ruined this whole thing for herself, but Lil isn't giving up so easily. She assumes her cheekiest smile. 'I'll see you tomorrow at nine, then.'

And she ducks out before Nellie can protest, or fire her, leaving the woman frozen once again with shock at her impertinence.

_Well_, Lil thinks as she steps out onto the street, her employment status once more up in the air, _that coulda been worse_.

Well, whether she retains her position or not (she suspects at this point she probably won't), she's discovered something today that has certainly changed everything. A man after her own heart. Attached to a dragon of a wife, of course, but the challenge makes the whole idea of him even tastier. Perhaps it's the idea of Nellie that makes Freddie even more appealing than ever, the idea of winning him from her that convinces her, without a shadow of a doubt, that job or not, she is _definitely_ going back there tomorrow.

Let no-one ever say Lilo Lil Whittaker is a woman who walks away from a challenge.


End file.
